Collected conversations with wedding vendors, proving how I suck at wedding planning.
Dress lady: You should look at some wedding magazines or websites, get some ideas.
Me: Too commercialized for me. I don't want people to think, god this wedding sucks and yet she spent so much. All the food in the world can't take the suckage out of a sucky wedding.
Dress lady: It's true, the best weddings I've been to were just outdoor picnics or potlucks.
Me: It's funny, I hear the same thing. Yet here I am.
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Me: So do you have any examples of your work?
Florist: No, I keep meaning to take pictures but I never do.
Me: Do you have a website?
Florist: I haven't gotten around to it. But if you bring me pictures I'm sure I can do a good job. I can't guarantee that it'll look exactly the same, but it should be close.
Me: So you have no examples or pictures of your work?
Florist: I've been doing this for years.
Me: Do you grow your own flowers?
Florist: No, roses cost too much to grow in California. We source them from local farms.
Me: Where?
Florist: Not from South America, that's where the grocery stores and Costco get their flowers.
Me: So where do you get your flowers?
Florist: Local farms nearby.
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DJ #1: So it'll be $1200 base price.
Me: What's your Saturday price?
DJ #1: The same, Mother's day is a really popular day for weddings, that's why we don't give a discount.
Me: Can we go over the difference between you and an ipod again?
DJ #1: Sure! (sales spiel)
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DJ #2: Mother's day is one of the least popular days for weddings. Your guests will probably want to leave by 9pm. They want to go to bed so they can go to work the next day.
Me: The reception doesn't even start until 7-730. Half the guests are from out of town. They probably need to take off half of Monday, I think they'll stay longer.
DJ #2: Ok, well then, they may stay until 9.30pm. From my experience, people don't stay that long.
Me: I want to play Golddigger at my reception. He's our favorite artist and that's our fav song.
DJ #2: (silence)
Me: I guess it's not a good choice. I think C likes old school rap anyhow.
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Me: What's your lead time for invitations?
Vendor: When's your wedding?
Me: May 10.
Vendor: You should have ordered a month ago, we'll have to rush order.
(I delegated invites to C)
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Vendor: You know, if you don't have an officiant you won't be legally married.
Me: Oh I know. It's a sham marriage you see. We gave up on life so figured a wedding would be good for a few laughs.
Vendor: .....
Me: Just kidding. We have an officiant. It's uh...a friend (actually we don't).
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Florist #2: Where did you get your dress?
Me: We ordered it from China. It was really cheap and looks pretty nice.
Florist #2: (silence)
Me: I have a red chinese dress though in case the white one falls apart on me. It's quality.
Florist #2: You know we have an order minimum for flowers.
(I still don't have a florist)
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Me: So how experienced are you at photographing interracial couples? We have drastically different skintones.
Photo #1: I think we did a white/Asian couple once...it shouldn't be an issue.
Me: So our families are quite reserved and boring, we may have un-photogenic guests, we are not photogenic ourselves, and the friends that come aren't going to get totally drunk and dance. How would you deal with this as a photographer?
Photo #1: Well, we try to make the best of any situation, there are good moments in every wedding. Also we photoshop all our pictures.
Me: You're going to photoshop out the Hawaiian shirts, the Japanese hipsters, the possible rows of empty chairs, and the half eaten food?
Photo #1: You get 2/3 refund if you're unhappy. I also encourage you to shop around.
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